I first want to say thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my blog.
On November 21, 2018, the hopes and dreams of my future, vanished. That day will forever alter every decision I make for the rest of my life. It was on that day I learned my husband, my best friend, my partner, was living a secret life. In an instant, the man I chose to grow old with and love forever, was a ghost. I had found out that he was not at all the man I had known for 8 years and definitely not the man I chose to help me raise our children. Bryan's secret actions were in fact criminal and evil in nature. The next weeks were a flurry of investigations and questions with no happy answer. I was stuck in limbo for what seemed like an eternity. I cursed God, begged Him to take my life, I was living in a nightmare. In one day, I lost all prospects of giving my son's the childhood I wanted for them, I couldn’t be a stay-at-home mom, I couldn’t provide for them. In one day,I became a single mom.
The day after my husband went to jail, I purged our house of everything that was his; any pictures or mementos of the lies he created. The fake life I was so immensely happy living in, I calmly packed away in the attic. I did this because I couldn’t bear to hear Ronin say “daddy”, I couldn’t bear to smell his clothes knowing he might be wearing orange for a very long time. I did this because I was on a journey.
I heard Sarah Jakes Roberts preaching in my sister's car on the way to my house. "Everything must go". I made a choice that night not to let the demons that controlled my husband control me or my family. That my house was going to be a house of truth; there was no room for darkness and pity. There was no room in my heart for wallowing because I had 2 boys that depended on me. God lit a fire in me that night. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing but I knew I had to do SOMETHING. I learned that sometimes Love doesn’t win. Bryan was deeply loved by his family but it wasn’t enough to change his actions. It wasn’t enough to bring his faults to light and get help. Our God is a God of Truth and in this situation, Truth, in fact, won.
I’ve been told by many friends that I’m “strong” and I never really know what to say. I, alone, am not strong. God is strong THROUGH me. The strength you see raising 2 boys and working 3 jobs all the while keeping up appearances and a clean-ish house, that strength comes from God and God alone, it certainly doesn’t come by me. This life I’m forced to live, I never wanted, but it is a life worth living for my sons. God would never have blessed me with them if He didn’t think me capable. He never would have blessed me with such a strong support system in my family. As horrible as this nightmare has been, I am still blessed. God has not abandoned me or my sons. The devil might have won the battle but not the war. And I will continue to fight and praise God through the storm. I am reclaiming my situation and living my truth:
I am Valorie Hammonds, a single mother of two boys and a broken soldier. God is still doing work in me, and I will not stop fighting.