I think it's so important to take a moment and look around in your car, house room, whatever, to really acknowledge the incredible ways you have evolved. A lot can happy in only a year.
I look back on myself from a year ago, I was a shell of a person. There was no color in the world, food had no taste, the future was nothing but darkness. I remember crying in the shower and envisioning myself in a year. Where would I be living? What will my family look like? What would I look like? I saw her living in her house, with her boys, smiling and laughing, strong.
I begged God to make me into that person. Guide me to any path to get to that girl.
A year ago I was in a custody battle, court trials, job searching, financial ruin.
Every. single. day. I asked God what am I supposed to do today? Every single day. I sought out direction, not just an answer, I asked for the next step. Every day was unknown for a long time.
It is only because of my faith that I made it this far. Last week, someone said to me "give yourself some credit, you did this, you are providing for you family" to this person I said, "Yes but I fall short. and whenever I couldn't pay for something, somebody would show up, I would get something in the mail, or a visitor, or at the store. Sometimes they were family, sometimes they were strangers. God used those people. I did not make that happen. God's love worked through others and blessed me and my family, God showed up."
I am still a work in progress. But the future doesn't seem so daunting anymore. I can see the light peering through. My relationship with God has not faltered, it is stronger than ever before.
"Rescue" by Lauren Daigle always puts me in tears. If you have every been in total darkness, you know the pain and fear in this song. Maybe you are in a dark place right now. Maybe today the world looks a little more empty and colorless. Maybe you don't want to get out of the bed today. Maybe you are on robot mode and just straight up hustling and working yourself until you're nothing. Maybe you've lost yourself.....To you I say, God will show up.