Then just like that…you are 1 year old.
This was the day you came into my life and brought sunshine where I thought there was none.
This day made me a stronger mother, because you entered my world, hope accompanied you.
Today is your birthday and would have been your first birthday party. You would have been the center of attention, which lets face it.. is hard to come by with Ronin around. You would have been surrounded by family and friends and we would have sung happy birthday to you and celebrated you and the joy you have brought to all of our lives. Life throws us a lot of curves, Shia. You might be used to it by now. It breaks my heart that timing always seems to work against you. All eyes are on this pandemic that has postponed and cancelled every plan and gathering. You won’t remember it, but you will definitely read about it in your history books. In all, I think having me at home is all you ever wanted for your birthday.
Nevertheless, you are worth celebrating. I pray every day that you never feel the sting of having less or going without the things I wanted to provide for you. I’m obsessed with giving you every single thing I gave Ronin…I guess because there’s that one major thing he had that you didn’t. I hope you know that during our adversity and my tribulations, I always tried. I tried every day to be a happy mommy for you. I tried.
Sometimes, Shia, as you grow older and have many more birthdays, you will find that simply “trying” is very very hard. Sometimes you don’t want to get off the floor, sometimes you don’t want to eat, and sometimes you don’t want to wake up….but you have to try.
I will never stop trying to be better for you. I have faith that this darkness will pass.Spring has come Shia, and the dawn is fast approaching. Happy Birthday, my sunshine.
