As I laid next to him, the night of his birthday, I saw a flicker of the baby I once knew. I remember the first night in the hospital like it was yesterday. I hope I never ever forget the feeling of complete bliss as my first baby sleep in the bassinet beside me.
“God, please help me to be a good mom for him. Help me to be the momma he needs.”
Little did I know that in the 3 years that would transpire, my whole world would be shook and everything I once knew, vanished. But God knew...
Being Ronin’s mom wasn’t all I thought it was going to be. He was wild and rebellious from day one. And in a way, that made me stronger.
I constantly second guessed myself if I was disciplining him right or doing all the right things, but Ronin always kept me on my toes, as if to say “your predestined ideas are a waste...let life just happen.”
I remember writing in his journal soon after he was born, “ If everything in my life goes wrong after this, I’ll know I did something right....because I am your momma.”
Life is sometimes a tornado of chaos and other times you check off all the lists. Ronin taught me that it’s ok to not have a clue what you’re doing, as long as you rely on God, you’ll be golden.
I find it only fitting his birthday party happen to be Magic School bus and Mrs Frizzles words might be the wisest phrase I’ll ever remember “take chances, make mistakes, get messy”.
I thank God everyday for the wild boy he gave this super girly ,organized momma. I am made whole because he filled a void in my life I never knew existed, or soon would exist.
Happy birthday, Ronin Elias.